Dilemma - Desi or Foreign

A post after a long long time,

When I set out on this trip, I knew exactly what I wanted to achieve, Apart from the stuff I get paid to do, I wanted to set out and quite exhaustively chart out my future in terms of things that I want to do, stuff I should continue to do and stuff I should give up albeit how much I love doing it.

One of the major considerations was to think about moving out of India. Every time I travel outside India, to a place like Singapore, KL, or the middle east I'm left pondering about what I'm doing in India. With major opportunities beckoning I still made a decision to stay in India.

But India has lately started draining me, big time. It seems to me that I have to do things that is beyond the law and way above my conscience if I have to survive in the big bad world. Another big factor that is draining me is the people and how they put themselves and their misplaced ego's above all other.

Today I write this post sitting in a hotel room in Bangkok just before I leave to the airport to return to India, I have a sinking feeling, and its hurting to be like that. I'm someone who always believed that one day if I woke up and needed motivation to continue to go to work, then it was time for me to quit. Today India is giving me that feeling.

My freedom seems to have gone, I seem to have to fight for something that is my right, and most times bribe to get it. Maybe cultures effect human behavior, Is our culture really based on jealousy and back stabbing? Is our culture really based on the frogs in the well? Why can't people put personal issues and work together for greater good? Why can't people stop thinking about themselves at the cost of many others? Why do all Of us choose I?

Deep down I don't want to get out of the country and city I love, and I hope against all odds I don't.. But this time I might have to put others before me.

I hope to post more often now... again hope is all I have..